Does she/he really love you?
At first sight, it is very charming and can easily impress and fall in love with you. While he feels like the luckiest and most valuable person in life when his attention is on you, as his interest decreases, he actually faces a very different person, and over time you may find yourself questioning whether you are really loved or not.
Due to the contemptuous and critical attitude you often encounter, you may feel worthless day by day, you may become withdrawn over time, and you may find yourself in a situation that has given him the priority of your life. It takes great energy and patience to cope with the state and actions that constantly reflect on himself and perceive even the slightest criticism as an attack on him. However, if that person is important to you, applying some communication and relationship rules can make it easier to live with them and cope with relationship difficulties.
Did you know the myth of narcissism?
Narscissuss is a Greek god who fascinates everyone with his beauty but does not give up on anyone. One day, while hunting in the forest, he wants to drink water from the lake and is fascinated and in love with his own reflection reflected in the water. It cannot leave the edge of the lake and watch itself until its life is exhausted. According to legend, it turns into the flower we know today as the daffodil. Narcissistic personality disorder also takes its name from this myth.
What is narcissistic personality disorder? How does it behave in relationships?
Although it is defined as “self-esteem and self-love”, contrary to what is known, individuals with this disorder actually do not like themselves and feel an intense feeling of inadequacy. Looking arrogant and self-righteous, these people are actually just as fragile and sensitive. Even if he initially feels an emotion in relationships, his goal is usually to gain the attention, approval and admiration of the other side. For this reason, the relationships it establishes are more superficial. His aim is to find someone who will meet all his needs beside him, who will praise him and support him financially and morally with other people.
How do we know narcissists?
They are selfish. Even in the smallest decision, their own wishes and thoughts are always important.
They don’t empathize. Your feelings and thoughts in the attitude and behavior they do are not important to them. The important thing is to reach his own wishes and dreams.
They always see themselves right and blame others for their mistakes. They don’t apologize. They think they are too perfect to do wrong. If there is an error, it must be due to other people.
Most of the time, they attract attention by evoking negative emotions, and they feel powerful by breaking your balance.
They think they are better and perfect than they are, that others cannot do without it. They like to be praised and be the focus.
So what should we do?
1- Don’t get into arguments. He can use any means to justify arguments, and if you are right he will be angry with you, even resentful. Try to keep your calm and not get into arguments whenever possible.
2- They perceive even the smallest criticism as an attack on them, but it is extremely important for them to look good and have reputation towards other people. So sometimes instead of expressing your feelings and thoughts as they are, “What will people think if you do this?” You can help him find the answers himself and make a decision.
3- Control your anger.
Instead of speaking accusingly of anger, “You are precious to me, and I get upset when you act like that, thinking I am worthless to you.” Like a sentence that emphasizes its value will make you consider what you say.
4- Do not be quiet.
Staying silent during an argument causes a narcissist to become more defensive and increase the dose of criticism. Try to express yourself as calmly and respectfully as possible. “I feel you belittling me right now, I guess I am no longer worthy in your eyes.” You can express your feelings with a sentence like.
5- Pay attention to his actions, not his promises. Often you are likely to be disappointed as it makes promises that it won’t keep to achieve its goals.
6- Try to set mutual goals. As long as you share the same purpose, they will work towards their goals.
7- Don’t take it personally. Because they don’t want to admit their own mistakes, they are likely to deny their mistakes and blame you often. For this reason, you may be subject to frequent humiliation and contempt. Accept the situation and be honest with yourself. You cannot change it, it is difficult to change even if he wants it.
Even though you share your feelings and your pain openly and honestly with him, if you don’t get an answer or see a change, then you probably won’t. However, if you continue to stay with you, approaching with the thought that it will improve every time you try will increase your frustration. Therefore, try to stay strong and not lose your self-esteem and confidence.